


[chaotic bitches]

by Mango_Cult, Mxlky_aly



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Axe Body Spray, Crack, Family Dynamics, Fluff, IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT OTHER THAN ITS A CHATFIC???, Never Have I Ever, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, chatfic, homies being homies, its just a chatfic, please this is purely crack, sbi, they are having fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:55:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29515656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mango_Cult/pseuds/Mango_Cult, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mxlky_aly/pseuds/Mxlky_aly
Summary: [chaotic bitches][DreamaddedTommy, Tubbo, Badboyhalo, Skeppy, Eret, Wilburand11 otherstochaotic bitches]10:52AMSapnap:hey shawty bae :cat_with_smirk_emoji:Dream:i'm leavingTommy:what the fuck
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Darryl Noveschosch & Zak Ahmed, Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 49
Kudos: 201





	1. [ Sapnap: hey shawty bae :cat_with_smirk_emoji: ]

**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry if this is OOC  
> people:  
> Wilbur - wilbitch  
> Technoblade - orphan obliterator / bacon bitch  
> Philza Minecraft - dadza  
> Tommy - big man / child  
> Tubbo - ilikadabee  
> Dream - green bitch / kale smoothie  
> Sapnap - arsonist / bitch / bitchassufckpususysy  
> Quackity - guys please  
> Schlatt - Ram kinnie  
> Karl - time traveler  
> George - colourblind bitch  
> Sam -  
> Ranboo - half & half / ranboob  
> Eret - Better king  
> Niki -  
> Fundy - f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry  
> Skeppy - 14  
> Bad - bitch / muffinhead / shitfuckassbitchaaaaaaa

**[chaotic bitches]**

[ ** _Dream_** _added **Tommy, Tubbo, Badboyhalo, Skeppy, Eret, Wilbur** and **11 others** to **chaotic bitches**_ ]

_10:52AM_

**Sapnap:** hey shawty bae :cat_with_smirk_emoji:

 **Dream:** i'm leaving

 **Tommy:** what the fuck

 **Technoblade:** no

 **Sapnap:** youre the one who made the gc 

**Dream:** youre the one that made it weird

 **Sapnap:** ugh you just dont get me 🙄🤚 

**Dream:** oh my god

[ **_Dream_** _has changed **Sapnap’s** name to **bitchassufckpususysy**_ ]

 **bitchassufckpususysy:** what the fuck

 **bitchassufckpususysy:** wtf is this slander

 **Tommy:** LMAO

[ _ **Tommy** has changed **Dream’s** name to **green bitch**_ ]

[ _ **Tommy** has changed **Technoblade’s** name to **bacon bitch**_ ] 

[ _**Tommy** has changed **Badboyhalo’s** name to **shitfuckassbitchaaaaaaa**_ ] 

**shitfuckassbitchaaaaaaa:** hi!!

 **shitfuckassbitchaaaaaaa:** who changed my name (°ロ°)

 **shitfuckassbitchaaaaaaa:** language!

[ _**shitfuckassbitchaaaaaaa** has changed their name to **Muffinhead** ]_

__

__

**Wilbur:** why do your usernames all involve bitch

[ _**Tommy** has changed **Wilbur’s** name to **wilbitch**_ ]

 **Tommy:** is that better wilbur

[ _**wilbitch** has changed **Tommy’s** name to **child**_ ]

 **child:** YOU FUCKIN SON OF A BITCH I WILL STAB YOU I AM NOT A CHILD

 **wilbitch:** haha child

 **Quackity:** yo

[ _**bitchassufckpususysy** has changed **Quackity’s** name to **guys please**_ ]

[ _**child** has changed their name to **big man**_ ]

 **Tubbo:** TRUE!!!!

 **big man:** tubbo you are my only friend 

**wilbitch:** wow tommy

 **big man:** fuck you wilbur

 **green bitch:** why am i stuck with this name and you get big man

 **green bitch:** wait im the admin

[ _**bitchassufckpususysy** has changes **green bitch’s** name to **Kale Smoothie**_ ]

[ _**bitchassufckpususysy** has changed their name to **arsonist**_ ]

 **wilbitch:** technoblade i know youre lurking 

[ _**wilbitch** has changed **bacon bitch’s** name to **Orphan obliterator**_ ] 

**Orphan obliterator:** wilbur im busy stabbing orphans 

**wilbitch:** youre literally playing minecraft while listening to your lecture

 **Orphan obliterator:** and?

 **Niki:** hi everyone!!!! hi will :)

 **wilbitch:** hi niki!!!

 **Niki:** how are you!!!

 **wilbitch:** im good!! :) 

**wilbitch:** how are you? 

**arsonist:** are they just having an entire conversation here

 **Niki:** im doing good too!!! 

**Karl:** hi niki!!

 **Niki:** hi karl!!!

 **arsonist:** Karl! 

**guys please:** Karl!

[ _**Karl** has changed their name to **time traveler**_ ]

 **time traveler:** quaksdmity!!11!1!!! spanapnp1!!!!1!11!11!!!

 **Eret:** i think karls having a stroke 

[ _**Eret** changed their name to **Better king**_ ]

 **guys please:** i think that its rude sapnap got more exclamation marks than me

 **time traveler:** soryfuaihlsdhibkdjlj

 **Fundy:** i think hes dead 

**arsonist:** you will be missed

 **guys please:** f

 **wilbitch:** f

 **big man:** f

 **arsonist:** f

[ _**Tubbo** has changed their name to **ilikadabee**_ ]

[ _**Skeppy** has changed their name to **14**_ ]

 **14:** heyeh oguyshsb ho wsrw ryouy

 **Muffinhead:** skeppy! :D

 **Philza Minecraft:** uh, translation?

 **Muffinhead:** hey guys how are you

 **14:** plelasne eguyss this sis hwo wi normally thtalk twhatas the ifftfterence

 **Muffinhead:** please guys this is how i normally talk whats the difference 

**Fundy:** how did you get that

 **14:** bad dssyst gets z semee 

**Muffinhead:** bad just gets me

 **Schlatt:** Why the hell am I here

[ _**wilbitch **has changed **Schlatt’s** name to **Ram kinnie******_ ** **]****

********

********

[ _**Kale Smoothie** has changed **George’s** name to **colourblind bitch**_ ]

 **arsonist:** george isnt even here

 **arsonist:** hes taking another nap 

**time traveler:** he’s always sleeping when is the guy ever awake

 **Kale Smoothie:** can confirm hes sleeping on the floor

 **arsonist:** kick him

 **big man:** AGREED!!

 **Kale Smoothie:** he looks so peaceful this time

 **arsonist:** you say that every time

[ _**Ram kinnie** has left the chat_ ]

[ _**wilbitch** added **Ram kinnie** to the chat_ ]

 **wilbitch:** theres no escape

 **Ram kinnie:** what the fuck

[ _**wilbitch** has changed **Fundy’s** name to **f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry**_ ]

 **f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry:** I AM NOT A FURRY

 **wilbitch:** haha point and laugh at the furry man

 **big man:** IMAGINE BEING A FURRY

 **Philza Minecraft:** ok child 

**Orphan obliterator:** true

 **big man:** PHILZA MINECRAFT I AM NOT A CHILD IMAGINE HAVING MINECRAFT IN YOUR LAST NAME THAT IS SO FUCKIN STUPID AND DUMB 

**wilbitch:** there he goes

 **wilbitch:** i just watched him storm out of the house angry yelling that he wasn’t a child

 **Orphan obliterator:** can confirm watched him walk out of the house probably to tubbos house

[ _**Philza Minecraft** changed their name to **dadza**_ ] 

**dadza:** i am the only responsible person in this room

 **Orphan obliterator:** no youre not

 **wilbitch:** no youre not

 **big man:** no youre not

 **ilikadabee:** no youre not

 **Kale Smoothie:** you watched me and techno fight while repeatedly shouting “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT”

 **dadza:** oh yeah lmao i remember that 

**time traveler:** heyfuayhjlkdfdsllawourytoeifpsjnklc

 **guys please:** i just watched karl being tackled by sapnap

 **guys please:** i think hes dead

 **Niki:** D:

 **guys please:** nvm hes up

 **Niki:** :D

 **Kale Smoothie:** why were you at Karls house anyways

 **arsonist:** he said he was lonely

 **guys please:** ^^

 **Orphan obliterator:** cringe

 **big man:** cringe

 **ilikadabee:** crigne

 **14:** crirahfjk

 **Sam:** I don’t think it’s that cringe

 **Muffinhead:** ^^ :D

 **Ranboo:** idk dude it seems kind of cringe to me

 **ilikadabee:** hello ranboob

 **Ranboo:** i-

[ _**Ranboo** has left the chat_ ]

[ _**wilbitch** added **Ranboo** to the chat_ ]

 **wilbitch:** stop resisting

 **Better king:** Ranboo!

[ _**wilbitch** has changed **Better king’s** name to **Traitor**_ ] 

**Traitor:** IT WAS ONE TIME!

 **wilbitch:** one time too many

 **f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry:** haha traitor

 **wilbitch:** you were also a traitor

 **Kale Smoothie:** george just stood up

 **Kale Smoothie:** hes sleep walking to the kitchen

 **Kale Smoothie:** he has a knife 

**arsonist:** let him start stabbing the air, walk a bit closer to him

 **Big man:** AYE START STABBING SHIT

 **Kale Smoothie:** HES CHASING MEANKJSLDJL:SKD

 **Kale Smoothie:** [ image sent ]

 **arsonist:** rip dream he wont be missed 

**big man:** AGREED!!!

 **Orphan obliterator:** time to use those manhunt skills

 **Orphan obliterator:** i can hear the music

[ _**ilikadabee** has changed **Ranboo’s** name to **Ranboob**_ ]

 **Ranboob:** no.

[ _**Ranboob** has left the chat_ ]

[ _**ilikadabee** added **Ranboob** to the chat_ ]

[ _**Ranboob** changed their name to **half & half**_ ]

 **Kale Smoothie:** he’s going back to sleep now

 **Kale Smoothie:** he collapsed on the kitchen floor with the knife still in his hand

 **Orphan obliterator:** damn 

**big man:** did he stab himself with it

 **Kale Smoothie:** he stabbed Sapnaps panda plush 

**time traveler:** sapnap just ran out of the room

 **wilbitch:** rip gogy

 **time traveler:** wow he just left me and quackity like that i see, pandas first

 **arsonist:** sorry i will be back

 **arsonist:** but i need to stab someone first 

**Kale Smoothie:** WHAT THE HELL SAPNAP YOU BROKE DOWN THE DOOR AGAIn

 **wilbitch:** again?

 **time traveler:** yeah dream once broke his favourite cup

 **time traveler:** so he broke down the door to their house

 **time traveler:** and beat him up 

**guys please:** then came to Karls house and cried for two hours

 **big man:** wow dream you broke his cup thats a bitch move

 **Kale Smoothie:** not the time he pried the knife out of georges hand 

**Kale Smoothie:** [ image sent ]

 **wilbitch:** gl gogy

 **guys please:** if you kill him wont he just continue to sleep through everything as a dead man

 **Kale Smoothie:** he put down the knife and carried the panda out of the house

 **Niki:** i can stitch him up!! 

**arsonist:** come to Karls house with your sewing kit

 **guys please:** hes sobbing we r comforting him 

**big man:** what a little bitch baby 

**Muffinhead:** that was mean Tommy >:(

 **time traveler:** we’ll be back when he’s feeling better

[ _**time traveler** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**guys please** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**Niki** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**arsonist** has gone offline_ ] 

**wilbitch:** i think i should go now, and technoblade should listen to his lecture and stop grinding on his potato farm

[ _**wilbitch** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**Orphan obliterator** has gone offline_ ] 

**Traitor:** i promised the furry mcdonalds cause i lost a bet 

**f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry:** STOP CALLING ME A FURRY

 **f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry:** im driving to mcdonalds without you 

**Traitor:** youre so broke you cant even pay for it

[ _**f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry** has gone offline_ ] 

**Traitor:** and thats my cue to leave 

[ _**Traitor** has gone offline_ ] 

[ _**Ram kinnie** has gone offline_ ]

 **big man:** im busy talking to women, looks like i have to go with my busy and cool life

[ _**wilbitch** has come online_ ]

 **wilbitch:** he’s talking to tubbo 

[ _**wilbitch** has gone offline_ ]

 **big man:** what i would never i dont associate with that guy

 **Ilikadabee:** D:

[ _**big man** has gone offline_ ] 

[ _**ilikadabee** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**half & half** has gone offline_ ] 

**14:** ogofdibdye eeeveryreieoen

 **Muffinhead:** bye! >->

[ _**14** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**Muffinhead** has gone offline _]__

____

____

[ _**Sam** has gone offline_ ]

 **dadza:** gotta look after my kids 

**Kale Smoothie:** thats a lie 

**dadza:** lmao yeah 

[ _**dadza** has gone offline_ ] 

**Kale Smoothie:** now im the only one left 

[ _**Kale Smoothie** has gone offline_ ] 

_3:09PM_

[ _**colourblind bitch** has come online_ ] 

**colourblind bitch:** what


	2. [ big man: uh oh big man philza minecraft is crafting a b e l t ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **big man:** uh oh philza minecraft is crafting a b e l t
> 
>  **big man:** wish me luck

**[ chaotic bitches ]**

_3:46AM_

**Kale Smoothie:** piss

 **arsonist:** can you please tell dream and george to stop flirting in front of me im trying to eat my god damn soup please

 **big man:** its 3 in the fuckin morning???

 **arsonist:** im not doing this today not this early in the morning im going back to karls

 **guys please:** what if i played my guitar as loud as i could to serenade you sapnap

 **arsonist:** very hot 😏

 **dadza:** tommy go to sleep before i go and craft a b e l t

 **big man:** uh oh philza minecraft is crafting a b e l t

 **big man:** wish me luck

 **Orphan obliterator:** no

 **wilbitch:** no 

**big man:** thank you for the support technoblade

 **dadza:** children.

 **wilbitch:** oh fuck

 **big man:** im sleeping cant you tell?

 **wilbitch:** i hear footsteps 

**dadza:** .

 **big man:** rip

 **arsonist:** pretend to sleep it always works for me on karl and he gets frustrated

 **big man:** philza minecraft you dont want to do this nooo philza minecraft we are in fact sleeping there is no need to come into my room not at allllllllllllllllkoljlojkhifebhllkjouhiljkhgkfty

[ _**big man** has gone offline_ ]

 **Orphan obliterator:** lol

 **Kale Smoothie:** o7

 **colourblind bitch:** please tell sapnap to stop slurping so loudly

 **guys please:** hes eating??? salad???

 **colourblind bitch:** no please hes eating soup at almost 4 in the morning because he said ‘it tasted better now’

 **wilbitch:** you know what goes well with soup

 **wilbitch:** saaaaaaaannnndnssggjasfdhjbafkdlsjklfsh

[ _**wilbitch** has gone offline_ ]

 **Orphan obliterator:** we lost another one

 **Orphan obliterator:** wait

 **Orphan obliterator:** phil please

[ _**Orphan obliterator** has gone offline_ ]

 **dadza:** b e l t

 **Kale smoothie:** wow 

**arsonist:** o7

 **ilikadabee:** so i was thinking

[ _**big man** has come online_ ] 

**big man:** help

 **big man:** [ image sent ]

[ _**big man** has gone offline_ ]

 **ilikadabee:** i will help you after i touch a bee and feel its fuzziness 

**Kale Smoothie:** so anyways

 **time traveler:** sapnap!!! quackity!!! dream!! tubbo!!

 **guys please:** subpoena!!! karl!!! 

**guys please:** subpoena 

**guys please:** what 

**guys please:** subpoena 

**guys please:** subpoena 

**arsonist:** you have ten seconds

 **time traveler:** its ok take your time

 **guys please:** subpoena 

**guys please:** s

 **guys please:** a

 **guys please:** p

 **guys please:** n

 **guys please:** a

 **guys please:** p

 **arsonist:** FUCK

 **arsonist:** MY SOUP

 **Kale Smoothie:** george fell asleep and flung sapnaps soup into his face

 **guys please:** you have to wait to kill him at 4pm when he finally wakes up

 **Kale Smoothie:** sapnap walked out of the house

 **time traveler:** quackity

 **guys please:** ill be there

[ _**arsonist** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**guys please** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**time traveler** has gone offline_ ]

 **Kale Smoothie:** why the fuck are you walking around at 4 in the morning???

 **dadza:** children.

 **Kale Smoothie:** im not your child

 **dadza:** now you are 

**Kale Smoothie:** wh?

 **Kale Smoothie:** why is there knocking at the door

 **Kale Smoothie:** oh UFCKCJUHhjiddn

[ _**Kale Smoothie** has gone offline_ ]

 **dadza:** if anyone else is online, please sleep.

 **ilikadabee:** yes mr. minecraft

[ _**ilikadabee** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**dadza** has gone offline_ ]

_5:01AM_

[ _**time traveler** has come online_ ]

 **time traveler:** sapnap came to my house and yelled about soup before promptly falling asleep

 **time traveler:** they are leaning on each other 

**time traveler:** [ image sent ] 

**Sam:** aw!

 **time traveler:** im debating on joining the cuddle pile its tempting me

 **Sam:** what is holding you back

 **time traveler:** the monster can i chugged earlier

 **Sam:** wow, im guessing you’re too wired to sleep?

 **time traveler:** ding ding ding

 **Sam:** make sure to try so you’re not tired as hell in classes all day

 **time traveler:** yes sammy

 **time traveler:** why are you up

 **Sam:** i grinded too hard that i forgot about my assignments which im doing now

 **Sam:** im too cracked at the craft

 **time traveler:** finish them soon or i will play a song for you on my tiny guitar

 **Sam:** please no 

[ _**Sam** has gone offline_ ]

 **time traveler:** quackity is very tiredly yelling at me to cuddle with themybryeyee

[ _**time traveler** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**big man** has come online_ ]

 **big man:** i have escaped

 **big man:** i am terrified

 **big man:** @ilikadabee 

**big man:** if i dont make it

 **big man:** bash wilburs guitar in my name

[ _**dadza** has come online_ ]

 **big man:** fuck

[ _**big man** has gone offline_ ]

 **dadza:** good.

[ _**dadza** has gone offline_ ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the shorter cahpter we write everything at schol and we were busy lol


	3. [ time traveler: hey @Kale Smoothie does sapnap put on axe body spray ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **time traveler:** hey @Kale Smoothie does sapnap put on axe body spray
> 
>  **time traveler:** i need to know 
> 
> **Kale Smoothie:** he literally bathes in it

**[chaotic bitches]**

_6:38PM_

**time traveler:** hey @Kale Smoothie does sapnap put on axe body spray

 **time traveler:** i need to know 

**Kale Smoothie:** he literally bathes in it

 **time traveler:** .

 **time traveler:** @arsonist hey sapnap

 **arsonist:** i dont use axe body spray wtf

 **arsonist:** hey karl

 **time traveler:** funny 

**time traveler:** i wonder whos stinking up the room with axe body spray

 **time traveler:** quackity is on the brink of death 

**time traveler:** dont come into my house if you use axe body spray

 **arsonist:** karl dont you still use that lightning mcqueen 2 n 1 shampoo and conditioner still?

 **time traveler:** its ✨effective✨ of course i use it

 **Orphan obliterator:** dots

 **Kale Smoothie:** wow i thought tommy would’ve used that but you too?

 **wilbitch:** tommy has a 5 in 1 irish spring shampoo thing that he doesn’t let anyone touch

 **dadza:** can confirm

 **dadza:** i tried to stop him from buying it and he said ‘PHILZA MINECRAFT I AM A GROWN MAN I CAN MAKE MY OWN BAD DECISIONS’ and ran off with it 

**arsonist:** hes committed to his work

 **big man:** WHAT THE FUCK 

**big man:** IT DOES WONDERS ON MY HAIR THANK YOU 

**wilbitch:** TOMMY I BET YOU HAVE SUCH GREASY HAIR YOU RACCOON

 **big man:** SHUT UP WILBUR I BET YOU CAN’T BRUSH YOUR HAIR ITS SUCH A RATS NEST AND WHY IS YOUR NAME EVEN WILBUR THATS SUCH A LAME NAME LIKE BITCHBUR WAS SO MUCH BETTER BUT NO YOU HAD TO BE CALLED WILBUR 

**wilbitch:** AT LEAST I DONT HAVE AXE BODY SPRAY IN MY ROOM AND CALL IT ✨the new febreze✨

 **big man:** OH MAYBE THATS BECAUSE IT IS 

**big man:** YOU KNWO WHAT ITS BETTER THAN FEBREZE

 **wilbitch:** this concludes my TED talk

 **Orphan obliterator:** tommy 

**Orphan obliterator:** tommy you 

**Orphan obliterator:** you have a nightlight in the shape of a bee

 **Orphan obliterator:** that you refuse to go to sleep without turning it on 

**big man:** I SAID IT WAS IN CASE TUBBO CAME IN MY ROOM

 **big man:** IM A BIG MAN BITCH 

**big man:** I DONT NEED DUMB NIGHTLIGHT 

**wilbitch:** [ image sent ]

 **ilikadabee:** bee! 

**time traveler:** i found a stack of axe body spray in my house

 **arsonist:** haha i didnt know you used axe body spray 

**time traveler:** who

 **time traveler:** hid their stash

 **time traveler:** in my house

 **arsonist:** hahahaha karl youre so funny

 **time traveler:** haha

 **time traveler:** you have 5 seconds 

**wilbitch:** o7

 **arsonist:** before that

 **arsonist:** you give me a kiss?

 **arsonist:** haha

 **time traveler:** no.

[ _**time traveler** has gone offline_ ]

 **guys please:** he ran out of the house

 **guys please:** you better start running 

**guys please:** good luck 

**arsonist:** hey how did he get here so fATSSTYGSUSKJHSUIGYSJ

 **big man:** o7

[ _**arsonist** has gone offline_ ]

 **dadza:** o7

 **Kale Smoothie:** o7

 **Orphan obliterator:** o7

 **wilbitch:** o7

 **guys please:** o7

 **big man:** cant believe karl killed sapnap this is a POGCHAMP moment 

**dadza:** tommy we’re going to the store to buy you actually good shampoo

 **big man:** why

 **dadza:** .

 **big man:** i am sorry philza minecraft i should have never questioned you you are such a big man please do not get the belt philza minecraft you are so pogchampaaaaaaaaasldfjalkdsf

[ _**big man** has gone offline_ ]

 **wilbitch:** better make sure that raccoon doesnt run off

[ _**wilbitch** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**Orphan obliterator** has gone offline_ ]

 **guys please:** hey dream wanna watch sapnap lose a fight to karl 

**Kale Smoothie:** yes

 **guys please:** meet me right outside your house 

[ _**guys please** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**Kale Smoothie** has gone offline_ ]

**[chaotic bitches]**

_1:52AM_

**wilbitch:** hey hey

 **wilbitch:** lets play never have i ever 

**colourblind bitch:** why did you think to play at almost 2 in the morning?

 **wilbitch:** no more questions every we are playing never have i ever

 **Orphan obliterator:** do i have a choice

 **wilbitch:** no.

 **wilbitch:** anyways lets get started

 **wilbitch:** if you don’t know how to play sucks to suck

 **wilbitch:** never have i ever 

**wilbitch:** eaten a bar of soap

 **half & half:** why would anyone do that

 **big man:** 🖐- 1

 **f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry:** 🖐 - 1

 **Kale Smoothie:** 🖐 -1

 **half & half:** nvm

 **14:** 🖐 - 1

 **big man:** you havent??? thats cause youre a little bitch 

**half & half:** no???

 **half & half:** is this a recreational activity you do???

 **big man:** ohohoh when i was a child

 **wilbitch:** you still are

 **big man:** SHUT UP WILBUR YOU FUCKIN STUPID IDIOT

 **big man:** when i was a child

 **big man:** i said a swear word

 **big man:** and philza minecraft said hed wash my mouth out with soap

 **big man:** so i said ‘TRY ME BITCH’ and bit the bar of soap

 **dadza:** can confirm, was horrified

 **dadza:** he stared at me dead in the eyes while eating the whole bar of soap

 **dadza:** then he promptly fell asleep 

**dadza:** he was sick for the next two days 

**ilikadabee:** he told me all he could taste for a while was soap

 **arsonist:** 🖐 - 1

 **time traveler:** of course you have axe body spray user

 **guys please:** 🖐 - 1

 **guys please:** me and sapnap ate your bar of soap while you were gone lol

 **time traveler:** what 

**arsonist:** check your shower.

 **arsonist:** dont freak out when you see bite marks in your soap bar

 **time traveler:** you put it back???????

 **guys please:** think of it as a gift

 **wilbitch:** no time for chit chat next person go 

**time traveler:** are we ignoring the fact that sapnap and quackity ate my soap??

 **wilbitch:** tommy does it all the time you arent special 

**big man:** never have i ever been a bitch to tommyinnit

 **big man:** everyone should put one finger down

 **big man:** tubbo is my only exception

 **wilbitch:** 🖐 - 1

 **arsonist:** 🤟

 **Orphan obliterator:** 🖐 - 1

 **dadza:** 🖐 - 1

 **Kale Smoothie:** 🤟

 **guys please:** 🤟

 **time traveler:** 🖐 - 1

 **Ram kinnie:** 🖐 - 1

 **Sam:** ???

 **half & half:** ???

 **Traitor:** 🖐 - 1

 **Niki:** :(

 **f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry:** 🖐 - 1

 **14:** 🤟

 **Muffinhead:** language!

 **Muffinhead:** 🖐 - 1

 **colourblind bitch:** 🖐 - 1

 **Orphan obliterator:** never have i ever 

**Orphan obliterator:** had a nightlight 

**big man:** YOU FUCKIN BITCH ITS ONLY BECAUSE TUBBO COMES INTO MY ROOM SOMETIMES 

**big man:** 🤟

 **time traveler:** 🤟

 **half & half:** 🖐 - 1

 **Niki:** 🖐 - 1

 **ilikadabee:** 🖐 - 1

 **Kale Smoothie:** never have i ever acted like a parent of a group

 **dadza:** acted? Or is? 

**Kale Smoothie:** mr Minecraft you count 

**dadza:** 🤟

 **Sam:** 🖐 - 1

 **Traitor:** 🤟

 **Muffinhead:** 🤟

 **Niki:** 🤟

 **Ram kinnie:** 🤟

 **wilbitch:** since when??

 **Ram kinnie:** tubbo 

**wilbitch:** oh

 **Traitor:** never have i ever kissed the homies goodnight 

**arsonist:** i always kiss the homies goodnight

 **arsonist:** ✌️

 **colourblind bitch:** 🤟

 **Kale Smoothie:** ✌️

 **guys please:** kissing the homies goodnight is my THING ✌️

 **wilbitch:** 🤟

 **dadza:** what

 **Ram kinnie:** ✌️

 **dadza:** oh???

 **time traveler:** ✌️

 **f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry:** ✌️

 **Muffinhead:** ✌️

 **big man:** WHAT 

**ilikadabee:** BADBOYHALO KISSES THE HOMIES GOODNIGHT!

 **14:** ✌️

 **arsonist:** never have i ever currently am a child

 **Kale Smoothie:** what

 **colourblind bitch:** sapnap that doesnt make sense

 **arsonist:** sh

 **ilikadabee:** 🤟

 **half & half:** 🤟

 **arsonist:** this includes you tommy

 **big man:** FUCK YOU SAPNAP!!!! I AM NOT A CHILD

 **wilbitch:** shut up child

 **big man:** IM NOT A FUCKIN CHILD WILBUR 

**big man:** ✌️

 **time traveler:** never have i ever ran a illegal business or scammed anyone

 **Orphan obliterator:** 🤟

 **dadza:** ✌️

 **big man:** ☝️

 **ilikadabee:** ☝️

 **Sam:** 🤟

 **half & half:** ✌️ i was roped into it

 **Traitor:** ✌️

 **f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry:** ☝️

 **14:** ☝️

 **Ram kinnie:** ☝️

 **wilbitch:** are we just gonna ignore the fact that phil has scammed someone 

**dadza:** yes. 

**wilbitch:** ok

 **colourblind bitch:** never have i ever tried to cook and it ended up going well

 **Niki:** ✌️

 **Muffinhead:** ☝️

 **dadza:** ☝️

 **Sam:** ✌️

 **ilikadabee:** ✌️

 **big man:** can confirm, watched him bake some brownies without burning himself or the brownies

 **Orphan obliterator:** ✌️

 **time traveler:** never have i ever eaten more than a handful of sand

 **wilbitch:** thanks karl

 **wilbitch:** i really appreciate that

 **Orphan obliterator:** i watched you shove handfuls of sand into your mouth 

**wilbitch:** tasted good

 **wilbitch:** ✌️

 **Kale Smoothie:** ☝️

 **colourblind bitch:** ✌️

 **ilikadabee:** ☝️

 **arsonist:** ☝️

 **guys please:** ☝️

 **14:** ✊

 **f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry:** ✊

 **f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry:** i have an essay due in a few hours gtg

[ _**f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry** has gone offline_ ]

 **14:** ruhniung abowayvu fromo vryabu 

**Muffinhead:** running away from vurb 

[ _**14** has gone offline_ ]

 **half & half:** ☝️

 **wilbitch:** huh

 **wilbitch:** a few people are out 

**big man:** imagine being a bitch and out

 **big man:** haha bitch

 **arsonist:** never have i ever gone by tommy, big man, or woman getter thingy whatever it was

 **big man:** WHAT THE FUCK SAPNAP

 **big man:** SAPNAP YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKIN IDIOT YOU FUCKIN BITCH IMAGINE BEING NAMED SAPNAP OH IM SAPNAP AND MY NAME IS PANDAS BACKWARDS WHAT A SHIT NAME

 **arsonist:** put your finger down big man

 **arsonist:** also- PANDAS ARE COOL WHAT DO YOU MEAN ATLEAST I HAVE A BRAND AND NOT DUMB D I S C S 

**big man:** YOU FUCKIN TAKE THAT BACK ME AND TUBBO WORKED HARD FOR THOSE DISCS

 **arsonist:** I'LL TAKE IT BACK WHEN YOU TAKE IT BACK FIRST

 **dadza:** its time for you to sleep, tommy

 **big man:** fuck you sapnap 

**big man:** ✊

[ _**big man** has gone offline_ ]

 **wilbitch:** finally the child is gone

 **Orphan obliterator:** thank god

 **guys please:** hi just asking for a friend does anyone actually pay attention to their lectures

 **wilbitch:** yeah

 **Kale Smoothie:** yeah man

 **time traveler:** never have i ever not payed attention to a class or lecture

 **arsonist:** ouch ✊

 **Ram kinnie:** ✊ 

**Orphan obliterator:** ☝️

 **guys please:** you wound me, karl.

 **guys please:** ✊

 **time traveler:** i think its time to stop now and say whoever lost is a pissbaby 

**wilbitch:** agreed

 **Orphan obliterator:** ^^

 **arsonist:** im going home im not cuddling you anymore lets go quackity

 **wilbitch:** winners: me, GOGY, traitor 1, niki!!, karl, and sam

 **wilbitch:** you get bragging rights 

**Niki:** yay! :D

 **colourblind bitch:** im better than you, dream

 **Kale Smoothie:** why dont you just go back to sleep for another 23 hours

[ _**colourblind bitch** has gone offline_ ]

 **Kale Smoothie:** oh he actually did

 **arsonist:** dont tempt sleeping beauty to sleep, he will do it

 **time traveler:** im wondering who has missed more classes, quackity or george from sleeping all day

 **wilbitch:** schlattttt i'm coming over 

**dadza:** wilbur its 3

 **Ram kinnie:** sure thing hot stuff

 **arsonist:** pLELASE WHAT

 **wilbitch:** i'll be there in a flash ;)

 **wilbitch:** dchvjgchfsgvjhb

 **guys please:** WHATASY SHVDGSUHLJ

 **dadza:** wilbur its 3 youre not going anywhere

 **wilbitch:** but 

**wilbitch:** schlatt

 **dadza:** no. go to sleep

 **Ram kinnie:** sorry old man im taking wilbur for the night 

[ _**Ram kinnie** has gone offline_ ]

 **wilbitch:** bye dad

[ _**wilbitch** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**big man** has come online_ ]

 **big man:** ohoho he called the philza minecraft an old man, imagine being old and wrinkly

 **big man:** what a bitch move hahaha

 **dadza:** tommy.

[ _**big man** has gone offline_ ]

 **dadza:** tubbo, you too

 **ilikadabee:** ok mr. minecraft

[ _**ilkadabee** has gone offline_ ]

 **Kale Smoothie:** wow

 **arsonist:** every day i just think about how he has so much power over them

 **guys please:** phil is not afraid of crafting the belt

[ _**Kale Smoothie** has gone offline_ ]

 **arsonist:** [ image sent ]

 **arsonist:** george and dream are cuddling on the couch 🤢🤢

 **Orphan obliterator:** cringe 

**guys please:** cringe

 **time traveler:** that is so cringe, theyre making it cringe for when i cuddle quackc nand sapanapnsb [lpespalass

 **arsonist:** KARL

 **arsonist:** you said you wouldnt say :(

 **Orphan obliterator:** cringe

 **guys please:** karl why would you ssaya aksuchc a thitng

[ _**wilbitch** has come online_ ]

 **wilbitch:** techno you cant deny you cuddle with us on movie nights 

[ _**wilbitch** has gone offline_ ]

 **arsonist:** wow he just did his damage and left 

**guys please:** he has nothing to say wow

[ _**Orphan obliterator** has gone offline_ ]

 **arsonist:** wow

 **guys please:** imagine being called out and going offline

 **time traveler:** most of the time quackity is the little spoon

[ _**guys please** has gone offline_ ] 

**arsonist:** he’s pouting you know

 **time traveler:** please how do you manage to get to dream’s and then my house so quickly

 **arsonist:** thats a secret ;)

[ _**arsonist** has gone offline_ ] 

[ _**time traveler** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**dadza** has gone offline_ ]

 **Niki:** goodnight everyone! :D

 **Sam:** goodnight Niki!!!

[ _**Niki** has gone offline_ ] 

[ _**Sam** has gone offline_ ]

 **Muffinhead:** night night you muffinheads >:D

 **half & half:** night :)

 **Traitor:** night!

[ _**Muffinhead** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**half & half** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**Traitor** has gone offline_ ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pspspspsps commnets pls? we really love reading and replying to people :D


	4. [guys please: i think hes trying to eat mud]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[chaotic bitches]**
> 
> _8:15PM_
> 
> **guys please:** sapnap is lying face first in the mud
> 
> **guys please:** i think hes trying to eat mud
> 
> **Kale Smoothie:** first wilbur eats sand
> 
> **Kale Smoothie:** now this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are sprry for the late chapter we couldnt think of anything and we were seperated so were not sitting next to each other sobs this just makes the writing process slower

**[chaotic bitches]**

_8:15PM_

**guys please:** sapnap is lying face first in the mud

**guys please:** i think hes trying to eat mud

**Kale Smoothie:** first wilbur eats sand

**Kale Smoothie:** now this

**wilbitch:** sand?????

**wilbitch:** okay so sand can go onto anything

**wilbitch:** usually i store some sand in my pocket

**wilbitch:** and sprinkle some as seasoning when its my turn to cook

**wilbitch:** it tastes so good 

**wilbitch:** such a wonder why no one else uses sand

**wilbitch:** they are missing out

**dadza:** wilbur.

**wilbitch:** yes?

**dadza:** youre not cooking anymore

**wilbitch:** what

**wilbitch:** why

**dadza:** oh i doNT KNOW 

**dadza:** MAYBE CAUSE YOU PUT LITERAL FUCKING SAND 

**dadza:** IN OUR FOOD

**wilbitch:** but crunchy

**dadza:** im crafting a belt 

**big man:** not again 

**big man:** wilbur i cant fuckin deal with your FUCKIN SAND IN MY SANDWICHES

**big man:** JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE WORD SAND IN IT DOESNT FUCKIN MEAN YOU PUT SAND IN IT BITCH

**wilbitch:** shut up child

**big man:** BITCH

**time traveler:** are we going to ignore the fact that sapnap is literally going to drown in the mud

**Kale Smoothie:** yeah i hope he has a nice swim and is wearing white

**colourblind bitch:** so cruel dream

**colourblind bitch:** but deserved

**Kale Smoothie:** do you know whats deserved? a kiss from you to me

**Kale Smoothie:** he left the room okay wow

**guys please:** haha he left you to kiss me 😏

**Kale Smoothie:** you wish

**Kale Smoothie:** oh hes back now

**Kale Smoothie:** wtf is in his hand

**Kale Smoothie:** iM SORYRY SHVUSBS)LE)AIBIHSUVTYFRFYTGUHIjok

[ _**Kale Smoothie** has gone offline_ ] 

**arsonist:** o7

**wilbitch:** i thought you were in mud??

**guys please:** he stood up at the sound of dream dying then went back to lie in the mud

**guys please:** he said something about getting the axe body spray off of him with the mud 

**time traveler:** youre dirty im not hugging you especially with your axe body spray smelling self

**arsonist:** cruel

**guys please:** oh hes up

**guys please:** hes running into karls bathroom

**guys please:** i think hes taking a shower 

**time traveler:** hE GOT MUD ALL OVER THEBE HSOUSUEE

**wilbitch:** rip sapnap you wont be missed 

**time traveler:** why do i hear music from the bathroom 

**guys please:** he is having a karaoke night in there i want to join

**guys please:** how romantic is it to sing all star together as he’s showering

**wilbitch:** tell sapnap to quiet down i can hear him singing “i wanna see some ass” from my room

**arsonist:** she said i dont wanna move too fast

**colourblind bitch:** why do you have your phone in the shower 

**arsonist:** to change the music, duh

**arsonist:** my phone may not be waterproof but thats a risk im willing to take to hear some bops am i right

**big man:** i hope your fuckin phone falls in the water and you cant use it again bitch

**wilbitch:** i heard a loud crash and then a scream

**guys please:** he dropped his phone 

[ _**Kale Smoothie** has come online_ ]

**Kale Smoothie:** i want obama to come to my funeral

**Ram kinnie:** i want hillary clinton to kill me

[ _**Ram kinnie** has gone offline_ ]

**time traveler:** hes screaming his phone is being drowned in the water

**guys please:** karl we need rice now or he will scream

**time traveler:** he is already screaming 

**Kale Smoothie:** tell him he deserved it

**guys please:** i dont think he wants to hear that right now

**guys please:** hes out of the shower now and pouty

**time traveler:** pUT ON SOME CLOTHES OH MY HONK

**time traveler:** hes running around without any clothes 

**guys please:** hot

**guys please:** nO HES ABOUT TO GO OUISIDEIE KALRLL

**Kale Smoothie:** what the fuck sapnap

**big man:** haha hes a BITCH 

**big man:** walking around naked and gross BIG BITCH IF YOU ASK ME

**guys please:** dream can you code him to calm the fuck down

**wilbitch:** haha L

**arsonist:** hheeeeeelpelphhhhhhhhhhheelllpppplllllllpllllllllllllllllppp

**Kale Smoothie:** rip sapnaps phone

**Kale Smoothie:** at least it got a nice bath before it died 

**Kale Smoothie:** it was so dirty 

**time traveler:** hes back 

**time traveler:** nvm he grabbed his bandana and now is running home

**colourblind bitch:** tell him he can stay there

**wilbitch:** why do i hear police sirens

**wilbitch:** i can see sapnap getting arrested 

**big man:** f

**time traveler:** goodbye sapnap

**wilbitch:** hey remember november 16

**dadza:** dots…

**big man:** what the fuck

**Kale Smoothie:** hah

**big man:** im getting my lawyer

**ilikadabee:** im his lawyer

**big man:** big law arrest that bitch ohhhh just like sapnap fuckin BITCH OHHHH

**ilikadabee:** i dont think i can arrest anyone as a lawyer

**big man:** what the fuck

**wilbitch:** go wash up with your 5n1, tommy

**big man:** AR EYOU FICKIN MAKING FUN OF MY BODY CLENSING CHOICES???

**big man:** IT WORKS PERFECTLY FUCKIN FINE BITCH OHHH YOURE JEALOUS YOU DONT HAVE HAIR LKE MINE BITCH

**wilbitch:** your hair is crusty, tommy

[ _**wilbitch** has gone offline_ ] 

**big man:** bITCH

**big man:** DONT LISTEN MY HAIR ISNT CRUSTY AND MY HAIR IS GREAT BITCH

**big man:** MY 5n1 IS WAY BETTER THAN YOUR FUCKIN SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER I SMELL GREAT

**ilikadabee:** . 

**ilikadabee:** @dadza i thought tommy was going to buy shampoo

**dadza:** tommy ran around the store hiding and we couldnt find him for hours

**dadza:** that little fucker hid inside an oven 

**time traveler:** oven????

**dadza:** ikea

**time traveler:** oh

**big man:** I AM A BIG MAN

**big man:** BIG MEN WASH THEIR HANDS WITH 5N1

**dadza:** tubbos here

**big man:** tubbo?

[ _**ilikadabee** has gone offline_ ]

**big man:** TUBBO I AM SORRY DO NOT DO THIS 

**big man:** BIG T I WILL GET SHAMPOO 

[ _**big man:** has gone offline_ ]

**Kale Smoothie:** i like how tommy gets beat up in every chapter

**arsonist:** what

**time traveler:** what

**guys please:** what

**dadza:** what

**colourblind bitch:** what

**Kale Smoothie:** .

[ _**Kale Smoothie** has gone offline_ ]

**dadza:** what the fuck

**arsonist:** dream????

**time traveler:** how do you have your phone in prison and why does it work

**arsonist:** i escaped

**arsonist:** i bought a new phone

**guys please:** you what

**arsonist:** escaped

**guys please:** why

**arsonist:** prison got boring 

**arsonist:** hey george can you bring me salad im hungry

**dadza:** how did you manage to get a new phone that quick

**arsonist:** i have my ways 

**colourblind bitch:** i have your salad 

**colourblind bitch:** its outside karls house

**time traveler:** theres no salad????

**time traveler:** theres a white sneaker 

**arsonist:** GEORGE

**colourblind bitch:** i cant help that im colourblind

**colourblind bitch:** why are you so mad 

**arsonist:** ITS A SHOE

**colourblind bitch:** yeah and im colourblilnd 

**arsonist:** i

[ _**arsonist** has gone offline_ ]

**guys please:** L

**colourblind bitch:** idk why you guys are so mad at me 

**colourblind bitch:** im colourblind 

**guys please:** gogy it looks nothing like a salad

[ _**wilbitch** has come online_ ]

**wilbitch:** only i can call gogy gogy

[ _**wilbitch** has gone offline_ ]

**guys please:** wh

**time traveler:** ???

**colourblind bitch:** dreams talking about chatfics???

**colourblind bitch:** he said that in 2 messages sapnap will come online and then say ‘im coming over’ before going offline

**colourblind bitch:** i think hes losing his mind 

[ _**colourblind bitch** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**arsonist** has come online_ ]

**arsonist:** im coming over 

[ _**arsonist** has gone offline_ ]

**guys please:** what the fuck

**time traveler:** what the honk

**guys please:** i will go pick up some salad, you get the blankets ready

**time traveler:** okay 

[ _**guys please** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**time traveler** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**Kale Smoothie** has come online_ ]

**Kale Smoothie:** sorry for the late chapter 

[ _**Kale Smoothie** has gone offline_ ]

**dadza:** i think hes finally lost it 

[ _**dadza** has gone offline_ ]


	5. [time traveler: @arsonist the cops are outside]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **[chaotic bitches]**
> 
> _5:45AM_
> 
> **time traveler:** @arsonist the cops are outside
> 
> **arsonist:** ignore them 
> 
> **wilbitch:** i think we’re ignoring the big thing right here
> 
> **wilbitch:** why are the cops outside 
> 
> **arsonist:** thats for us to know and you to find out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi before we start, quick tw/cw for: mentions of assault, restraining orders, and fighting so if that makes you uncomfortable, please do not read :) 
> 
> they do not happen to the character, more so they just mention it

**[chaotic bitches]**

_5:45AM_

**time traveler:** @arsonist the cops are outside

**arsonist:** ignore them 

**wilbitch:** i think we’re ignoring the big thing right here

**wilbitch:** why are the cops outside 

**arsonist:** thats for us to know and you to find out

**wilbitch:** im coming over 

**arsonist:** no i will say youre me and you’ll get arrested

**wilbitch:** bold of you to assume i dont have a criminal record

**guys please:** wow

**arsonist:** did you steal a beanie because tommy used yours and his crusty 5n1 hair ruined it?

**big man:** FUCK YOU PANDAS BACKWARDS YOU BITCH

**wilbitch:** yeah 

**wilbitch:** but also tax evasion

**dadza:** you arent???

**wilbitch:** like simple things 

**wilbitch:** jaywalking 

**wilbitch:** ding dong ditch

**wilbitch:** fishing without a license 

**wilbitch:** assault 

**wilbitch:** fighting in public

**wilbitch:** theft

**wilbitch:** arson

**guys please:** these are just some simple things

**time traveler:** : im really looking at the assault one

**wilbitch:** . 

**wilbitch:** no comment 

**wilbitch:** techno has also committed many small crimes 

**Orphan obliterator:** define small crimes

**time traveler:** he has to have at least killed someone

**wilbitch:** can confirm helped him hide a body four years ago 

**Kale Smoothie:** @dadza are your kids okay 

**big man:** big man philza minecraft also has committed many crimes 

**time traveler:** ✍dont✍get✍on✍technos✍bad✍side✍

**ilikadabee:** do NOT ride in a car with mr minecraft 

**ilikadabee:** it is a car chase every time

**arsonist:** i am afraid of the SBI family 

**wilbitch:** can confirm

**wilbitch:** dont forget about the crimes tommy has committed 

**big man:** BIG MAN TOMMYINNIT HAS DONE MANY MANY CRIMES 

**big man:** i have committed too many crimes i am so pogchamp

**Kale Smoothie:** okay tommy

**Orphan obliterator:** tommy has been charged with assault, public fighting, and vandalism

**muffinhead:** why would you commit so many crimes!!!

**muffinhead:** thats so bad!! >:(

**time traveler:** why are those expected from him

**dadza:** he is a chaotic child 

**dadza:** i have given up on controlling him 

**dadza:** i let him do what he wants 

**dadza:** just as long as he doesnt get caught

**Kale Smoothie:** what the fuck 

**dadza:** we have connections to the government ever wonder how we are not in jail

**arsonist:** father of the year award 🏅

**dadza:** : thank you

**wilbitch:** tommy once got a restraining order 

**big man:** NO I HAVENT EVERYONE LOVES ME WOMEN LOVE ME SO MUCH YOU FUCKIN DICK

**big man:** IM GREAT WHO WOULD ETA MRRESTAIRNANIN GGORDER RON ME BITCH

**wilbitch:** [image sent]

**wilbitch:** see

**big man:** YOU FUCKIN BITCH THAT IS WRONG ANF POHOTSHOPPED YOU ARE SO WRONG YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH YOU FUCKIN LOSER L L L 

**Kale Smoothie:** what woman did you harass tommy

**Orphan obliterator:** wilburs ex 

**wilbitch:** fuck you tommy 

**guys please:** wow what a guy

**Ram kinnie:** dont worry youll always have me ;)

**Kale Smoothie:** its okay tommy i will never get a restraining order on you

**big man:** not before i get on on you bitch youre weird

**Kale Smoothie:** tommy but were best friends

**big man:** no

**Kale Smoothie:** you said it yourself yesterday

**big man:** i would rather use normal shampoo and conditioner than to be your friend

**dadza:** then use it

**Kale Smoothie:** i can make a song about our friendship

**big man:** no i think your song now is good enough

**big man:** 😏nOw🤧THAt🥵INtErSTatE💋iS👀pAvEd🙇♂️WIth🧚♀️MEMoRIeS🤩

**Kale Smoothie:** im glad you enjoy my singing tommy

**big man:** i enjoyed the other guys part more

**big man:** wilbur’s songs are so much fuckin better

**wilbitch:** yes you are correct tommy 

**wilbitch:** /j

**arsonist:** yo but dreams song slaps too 

**arsonist:** deffo on my playlist

**guys please:** your playlist consists of i wanna see some ass, sketchers, and how to save a life tf

**arsonist:** i have multiple playlists ugh

**arsonist:** you just dont get me 🙄

**guys please:** we went through your phone no you dont 

**arsonist:** you know what

**time traveler:** hes pouting and angrily making a new playlist

**guys please:** you better not add i wanna see some ass

**arsonist:** its MY comfort song and I get to add it to my playlist

**arsonist:** its the best song so fuck you

**dadza:** im speechless 

**Kale Smoothie:** i deleted his playlist as a joke one time and i almost lost an arm

**Kale Smoothie:** dont mess with his playlists

**colourblind bitch:** his music taste isnt that good

**arsonist:** georgey

**arsonist:** sleep with one eye open

**arsonist:** dont even sleep tonight

**arsonist:** youre dead

**wilbitch:** rip gogy 

**Kale Smoothie:** youre not killing him

**arsonist:** while he’s sound asleep is when i strike

**arsonist:** so soon, hes always sleeping.

**Kale Smoothie:** i guess youre going to have to stab him after you stab me

**wilbitch:** youre not killing him

**arsonist:** .

[ _**arsonist** has gone offline_ ] 

**wilbitch:** dream?

**Kale Smoothie:** wilbur.

[ _**wilbitch** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**Kale Smoothie** has gone offline_ ]

**time traveler:** please dont kill sapnap he gets moody

**Orphan obliterator:** wilbur just took a lighter with him everything okay

**guys please:** guys please dont kill him

**Orphan obliterator:** i havent seen wilbur this pissed off since a while ago

**Orphan obliterator:** at least one person is dying tonight 

**time traveler:** as much as i want to see this fight

**time traveler:** i feel like i should be a responsible adult

**time traveler:** but i dont want to lets go watch 

**Orphan obliterator:** i see schlatt making bets with people

**big man:** i bet you sapnap will burn the place down

**Ram kinnie:** i bet you wilbur will manage to set sapnap on fire 

[ _**big man** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**Ram kinnie** has gone offline_ ]

**muffinhead:** what the muffin 

**14:** i beteeb you dreaama aandd dwiwllbbur raere goginug to win

**ilikadabee:** ???

**muffinhead:** i bet you dream and wilbur are going to win

**ilikadabee:** thank you :D

**14:** i am betetingg allm of fmy lifee aasavings sand all of myn orrganass on thisiss

**14:** if drreaama and dwilbur dinront win i giveve my organs s to shcclaatt to selell on the eb alackc markeete

**Muffinhead:** skeppy- D:

**dadza:** i cant deal with this shit 

[ _**dadza** has gone offline_ ]

**guys please:** update theyre trying to fight but it looks terribly pathetic without weapons

**guys please:** wilbur just set sapnap on fire 

**guys please:** sapnap screamed and caught a blanket on fire 

**half & half:** why is nobody stopping this

**Orphan obliterator:** phil told the police not to come 

**Niki:** is will okay? D:

**Orphan obliterator:** for now 

**guys please:** SAPNAP JUST FOUND A SWORD??? 

**guys please:** HE JUST PULLED IT OUT FROM THIN AIR

**guys please:** HES SWINGING WHAT A TURN OF EVENTS

**guys please:** DREAM HAS AN AXE AND THEYRE GOING AT IT 

**Traitor:** i think your commentary is really making it better

**guys please:** hE THREATENDN ED PATCHES OH MY GOD

**guys please:** nevermind he apologized he loves patches 

**time traveler:** where did wilbur go??

**guys please:** wait

**guys please:** where is wilbur

**Orphan obliterator:** .

**Orphan obliterator:** @dadza

**Orphan obliterator:** @dadza

**Orphan obliterator:** @dadza

**Orphan obliterator:** @dadza

**Orphan obliterator:** @dadza

**Orphan obliterator:** @dadza

**Orphan obliterator:** @dadza

[ _**dadza** has come online_ ]

**dadza:** techno? Are you okay?

**Orphan obliterator:** scroll up 

**dadza:** .

[ _**dadza** has gone offline_ ]

**Orphan obliterator:** brb

[ _**Orphan obliterator** has gone offline_ ]

**guys please:** what 

**time traveler:** quackity please help me put out the fire

**guys please:** karl??? are you okay??

**time traveler:** someone is going to burn alive here and its probably going to be me

**guys please:** i wont let that happen to you mi amor

**time traveler:** romantic but

**time traveler:** helepe e mmee

[ _**time traveler** has gone offline_ ] 

**guys please:** someone else needs to commentate 

[ _**guys please** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**big man** has come online_ ] 

**big man:** ALRIGHT BITCH TIME TO EPICALLY COMMENTATE UNLIKE QUACKITYS BITCH LIKE COMMENTARY

**big man:** THEYRE CONTINUING TO FIGHT LIKE PUSSIES WOW WHAT BITCHES NOBODY HAS DIED YET BOOO

**big man:** I WOULD DEFINITELY WIN IN 2 SECONDS BITCH

**big man:** SAPNAP IS COMPLAINING HE ISNT WINNING BECAUSE HIS MUSIC ISNT PLAYING WOW WHAT A LITTLE BITCH BLAMING IT ON THE MUSIC

**big man:** LITTLE BITCH 

**big man:** TECHNOBLADE HAS ENTERED THE ARENA OH YCCYFYCCKC

**big man:** HES GOGING TO DESTROY THEM LIKE HE DID TO THOSE ORPHANS THE OTHER DAY

**big man:** WILBUR IS STILL ACTING LIKE A BITCH AND IS GONE 

**big man:** why is the ground shaking 

**big man:** uh oh

[ _**big man** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**Niki** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**half & half** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**Traitor** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**ilikadabee** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**muffinhead** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**time traveler** has gone offline_ ]

[ _**wilbitch** has come online_ ]

**wilbitch:** that ended a bit too fast :/

[ _**dadza** has come online_ ]

**dadza:** wilbur.

**dadza:** what did you do

**dadza:** where is everyone

**wilbitch:** gone 

**dadza:** .

**dadza:** there is a crater in front of the house 

[ _**wilbitch** has gone offline_ ]

**dadza:** what the fuck

**dadza:** i give up 

[ _**dadza** has gone offline_ ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyday we stray further away from god

**Author's Note:**

> Again just in case it got confusing:  
> Wilbur - wilbitch  
> Technoblade - orphan obliterator / bacon bitch  
> Philza Minecraft - dadza  
> Tommy - big man / child  
> Tubbo - ilikadabee  
> Dream - green bitch / kale smoothie  
> Sapnap - arsonist / bitch / bitchassufckpususysy  
> Quackity - guys please  
> Schlatt - Ram kinnie  
> Karl - time traveler  
> George - colourblind bitch  
> Sam -  
> Ranboo - half & half / ranboob  
> Eret - Better king  
> Niki -  
> Fundy - f,,,,fur,,,,furr,,,,ry  
> Skeppy - 14  
> Bad - bitch / muffinhead / shitfuckassbitchaaaaaaa
> 
> HUGE CREDIT TO ALY GO CHECK THEM OUT ALSO I COMMEND ANYONE WHO HAS WRITTEN A CHATFIC HOW DO YOU HAVE THE WILLPOWER TO GO AND BOLD AND ITALICIZE IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR OML
> 
> if any CC says they are uncomfortable please tell us and we will take it down


End file.
